Calcutta is Everywhere

dead line/ life line

2010-02-07T19:17:00.008-05:00

Ok. So I've actually made a verbal commitment to my friends and my spiritual director: I will really, truly, actually send the manuscript off to the local publisher who expressed an interest. Really. By Valentine's Day. That's 8 days away! How can I possibly pull it together by then? Well the truth is, it is together. No more pulling is required. Tweaking, yes. Ruminating, for sure. Waking-up-at-3-am-cause-I-thought-of-a-better-way-to-word-something: check. But the pulling together of the thing has pretty much been finished for quite a few months.

I have had opportunities to submit my work to a number of interested parties over the past couple of years, but ~something~ always prevents me. I'm actually feeling a bit nauseous just sitting here considering the fact that I may actually do this. To be sure, the suspense of what a real honest-to-goodness publisher thinks of my book is killing me! I'm DYING to get some critical feedback from someone in the business. And clearly I can't put off my friends forever... Last night I had my 5 close friends over and they threatened to tie me to my bed and send the thing out on my behalf! And the frightening thing is, they could have done it! There are no passwords or anything else preventing them (or anyone) from getting at my book. Hmm... I suspect this may be the catalyst to my sudden change of heart vis-a-vis the submission: the prospect that someone other than me could take matters into their own hands is terrifying to me. Which is probably a very good thing. In any case, it looks like I no longer have the luxury of sitting on this piece of work, this thing that takes up so much space in my head, much longer. "The time has come", the Walrus said, "To talk of many things"...* And those 'many things', for me, are all of those hundreds (thousands?) of written words demanding to be spoken, nearing mutiny!

What is it they say about the pain of remaining in the bud? I love that quote and it's screaming itself at me now. Hang on while I look it up. ---

Ah yes, here it is:

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -Anais Nin

I'll admit then, to myself and to you, that I am extremely uncomfortable here in my tight little bud and I suspect I've stayed tucked in here way longer than is wise, much longer than Nature intended. I long to push out, to struggle and thrash against my green cocoons and finally see the light of day. But to blossom, what then? There is no returning to the bud, no way out, no way back. There is only forward and that is something I cannot see. I never could get that old quote about being caught between 'a rock and a hard place'. I'm getting it now. I guess the only thing left to do (and quite likely the only thing to do,) is the thing I have known all along: that simple, insistent, still, small thing. How did I miss it? It's too easy, too simple, too obvious. Pray about it, they said. "Yeah, yeah. But what else? How will I know when it's time to let it go? How will I know where to send it, who to trust with it, how to do it?" Again, the chorus came from all around: pray about it. "I know! I know! That's what I'm all about!" I'd reply. Of course I pray about it! I do it all the time. But there has to be more to it than that! "WHAT", I would ask and keep asking, "AM I MISSING?"

I trust you see where this is going, and I'm eager to put the next part into words if I can. But, as a dear friend of mine says, life is calling and I must go take care of the supper dishes and put the laundry in the dryer. Even in the midst of these life-altering epiphanies, we all need to stop and make sure we have clean underwear and socks for tomorrow.

And while I take care of these house-y duties, I will indeed heartfully "pray about it" and I'll ask God, point blank, what I am to do next. And then, (gulp), as you are my witness, I'll endeavour to actually DO IT. Even if it means sending the manuscript, say, tonight. Stay tuned.

* The Walrus and The Carpenter, Lewis Carroll
(from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)

14 years ago today...

2010-01-07T22:40:00.003-05:00

...I left for India and began a journey that would change and challenge and stick to me like so much crazy glue. Fourteen years! For about the first ten, I could scarcely bear to think about it, much less talk about it. And yet, that's just what others wanted me to do: talk about it. I just could not get my mind around what I saw, how I felt, none of it. But more and more, people were hungry to know about my trip, about Mother Teresa, about the poverty. These were people I knew, didn't know, friends of friends of friends who contacted me, longing to hear the stories from that special time I was able to spend with Mother Teresa and the Missionaries of Charity. Why, I often mused, was it SO hard for me to talk about it? Well mercifully there was a shift around the ten year mark, and I started to write. And write. And write. For months I couldn't shut it off! It all just kept coming. And it seems the interest is just as great now as in the earlier days. So I keep at it, polishing and editing and piecing it all together into some kind of legible, hopefully touching and enjoyable book. And so it continues, both day and night.

Steph
p.s. Happy Birthday, to my long time friend Susan!

Nod from publisher spurs me on!

2009-11-22T17:49:00.003-05:00

On Sunday I attended the Ottawa Author's Book Sale put on by "Ottawa Independent Writers". In the course of telling the owner of Baico Publishing Consultants about my book and my ideas, he invited me to submit. And mercifully, he said he doesn't bother with query letters, proposals, and all the conventional 'junk'. I can just go ahead and send him the manuscript and he will read it in its entirety! He's a spiritual fellow and says if I believe God is prompting me to write this, then I'd better follow through! Wow. So I'm getting my MS ready to send off! :) We shall see!

Steph

Congratulations to Caroline Pignat, winner of the GG's Literary Award for 2009!

2009-11-17T20:44:00.007-05:00

Well! I just heard that my friend and writing mentor, Caroline Pignat, has been awarded the Governer General's Literary Award for 2009! How fantastic! It's for her wonderful book, Greener Grass.

Caroline Pignat's Greener Grass: The Famine Years follows the disintegration of the Byrne family during Ireland’s Great Famine of 1847, when landlords ruled without mercy, children could be taken away to prison, and thousands were left to starve. A timeless story of courage, family loyalty and the resilience of the human spirit.

I'm so happy for her. And man, does this ever serve to spur me on to keep pushing forward towards publication of my own book!

Steph

long time no blog!

2009-11-16T15:09:00.004-05:00

Hey,

Well I checked in to my blog only to realize that it has been almost a year since I've posted anything! What's up with that? Time flies - at the speed of light sometimes.

Anyway, this morning I wrote what I believe will be the concluding chapter of the book! I really thought I was done, but I was praying about it, and I felt there was a wee bit more to say. Well, 22 pages came hurtling (is that a word?) out of me and now it actually feels like I've FINISHED writing. I've been wondering for a long time, how does one know when it's time to end a book? When it's time to just put down the pen, close the notebook and call it a year? (or 4 years, in this case.) It's no easy feat; this baby has become 'mine' through and through, and I suspect I'm having a bit of separation anxiety. And yet, what's the point of writing a book if no one is ever to read it except the author? Especially when one feels that perhaps it is God Himself who is prompting the writing of this book. If that's the case, then it becomes, as an honest friend recently said to me, a selfish thing. The keeping of it, I mean. I guess it's the old thing of not keeping one's light under a bushel... or in this case, one's manuscript buried at the back of the filing cabinet for "safe-keeping". Or for lack of faith in the merit of the thing. Or for fear of it's not being well received. Or, because said author might not have any other books in her, so better hang onto this one, forever polishing, editing, and "working on it". Or. Or. Or.

Enough! In the words of that wise old baboon Rafiki (from the Lion King):
IT IS TIME.

Thanks for reading this far! Please do check back - I promise not to neglect this blog and to try to make it interesting, compelling and above all, hopefully, to report the play-by-play, up-to-the-minute, lead-up to publication. God Willing.

Steph

Delicious... and Terrifying

2008-12-01T14:31:00.005-05:00

Hello again!

Well I think I've finally decided that the bulk of the actual writing of the book is DONE. The next leg of this odyssey seems to be the preparation of the manuscript for editing. I will readily admit that I have resisted this part for many months now, though not exactly sure why. And in the end it doesn't actually matter 'why'. I just need to be about the business of doing the tasks and taking the steps that will keep (or get) things moving.

About a month ago, my dear soul-friend Margie suggested I come over once a week and read the numerous handwritten chapters aloud while she types. Something in me just leaped with joy when she offered this gift. She who knows too well the paralyzing effect that 'shifting gears' can have on me. I get going at a good clip once I get in a groove, but with the writing groove drawn to a close, I was at a loss. So I think Margie just mercifully said 'enough. Let's get this thing done'. So for the last 4 Thursday mornings, we have been getting this thing done. Each time I'm driving out to the farm where she lives with her family just south of Ottawa, I get this overwhelming urge to turn the car around and take off in the other direction. I don't. And that's beyond me. I just get my body there, doing my best to quiet my mind and trembling heart. I feel it now, as I write. To borrow a fantastic phrase, coined by Margie, it's deliciously terrifying! Delicious - in its unknowns, its possibilities, and the enormous energy and courage it calls forth on so many levels. And Terrifying - for all of the same reasons.

I went to a wonderful book launch yesterday for the new book, Remembering Mother Teresa, by local author (and friend) JoAnne Christie. It's a collection of 58 different peoples' accounts of having met or been somehow touched by Mother Teresa. It's a compelling book, and it brought me tears, smiles and blessings as I devoured it at home last night. So many different people, stories, circumstances, timeframes. But it seems they were left with that same flavour and impression that so many have spoken about: that Mother Teresa was frail and small in stature and at the same time full of life, energy and holy presence. Again and again, the writers told how they felt they had Mother's undivided attention. That her loving, gentle eyes somehow imparted a peace that passed understanding. That her knowing smile wordlessly communicated her great love for each person. And that having had even the briefest of encounters with her, each one felt that they had been forever changed. I can relate. The stirring inside is palpable as I recall my chats with Mother - now almost 13 years later. I often have this eerie yet peaceful feeling that she is here, now... looking over my shoulder as I write. May I do her justice! :) Of course, she would be the first one to defer to Christ. Don't look so much to me, she might say. It is not I who lives, but He who lives in me. I am, she once said, but a pencil in His Holy hand. So here I sit, day after day, praying to be a little keyboard, utterly controlled by the Master's Hands.

Peace. And Happy Advent!

one bite at a time...

2008-11-17T14:23:00.003-05:00

I've come to accept that for now, the only way this book is going to get closer to completion is by taking baby steps. I never seem to have big blocks of time where I can sit and ponder and write and edit and pace around and scratch my head and do all the things I assumed writers have to do in order to eventually produce something worth reading. But I do have little windows of time throughout the week, and if I can use them when they present themselves, so much the better. It can't be the 'all or nothing' I'm usually about, else this project will never see the light of day! :) It's little bits of the 'some', scooped up and seized and valued. Lately I've been progressing by leaps and bounds using just an hour here, a half hour there, a new idea scratched roughly on a napkin while out for breakfast with a friend. And it's all good! Each part is a small but significant piece that contributes to the whole. Reminds me of my life... if I look at the things I need to do and the changes I want to make and all the hopes and dreams and ideas and pathologies in my head, man! I'll never get anything done! I'll be sitting in a corner somewhere, rocking, muttering to myself, 'there's no place like home' or something equally unsettling... lol. I heard someone say once there's only one way to eat an elephant, and that is one bite at a time. And so it is with this book, this life, these moving boxes still piled in the corner, taunting me. Well enough. Maybe one paragraph, one box, one bite of the elephant really can be enough. It seems so to me today, and that's good enough.

Back in the Saddle....

2008-06-19T00:08:00.002-04:00

... after a bit of a bumpy ride. After a very long hiatus I'm back to blogging. The book and its concept are taking new shape and I've had to take time to see where its all heading. I'm excited, cause I think I'm nearing the end of the actual writing of it, and closing in on editing and piecing the thing all together in a coherent way. Time will tell! Looks like I have an editor who is willing to have a look and help me connect all the dots... So the plot thickens... I hope. :)

Anyway

2007-07-08T01:16:00.000-04:00

Hi there,
I'm excited to let you know that I've just added an e-mail subscription feature where you can sign up to receive a message every time I post something new. To check it out, scroll down a bit and you'll find it below my profile, on the left of this page.

I want to share a poem I've been fond of for years, and until recently didn't know who had written it. Well, imagine my surprise when I discovered that the author was Mother Teresa! I especially love the last line... Enjoy.

Steph
~~~~~~~~

ANYWAY

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

~ Blessed Mother Teresa of the Poor ~ 1912 - 1997

Passing the time en route to Calcutta

2007-07-03T14:34:00.000-04:00

While on the train from Cochin in the south of India to Calcutta in the north, we had to find ways to pass the 48 straight hours. There we were, Miriam and I, cooped up in our little berth, almost knee to knee. Fortunately we were close friends and really enjoyed each other's company!

We took turns brushing and braiding each other's hair, playing I Spy out the window, trying to guess how many hours were left til we arrived, trying to avoid using the (ugh) hole in the floor washroom, listening to the Indigo Girls on a walkman CD player (each using one earphone) and reading passages of Mother Teresa's A Simple Path to each other. Picture it: here we were, two young and naive women who are blown away by MT's writing on an ordinary day back home. On this day, as we were en route to the City of Joy itself, we were reading aloud to each other the rich and powerful words of a little woman who somehow manages to move and inspire people of all faiths and races. And we were on our way to her home! It was surreal, this knowing that with each passing hour, we were that much closer to seeing her face to face, if indeed she happened to be home when we visited. At this point we still didn't know whether she was even in the country, let alone at the Motherhouse. In the book A Simple Path, we came across one particular piece of writing which is printed on what is referred to as Mother Teresa's business card. It reads as follows:

The fruit of SILENCE is Prayer
The fruit of PRAYER is Faith
The fruit of FAITH is Love
The fruit of LOVE is Service
The fruit of SERVICE is Peace

Mother Teresa

After reading it aloud, Miriam and I sat quietly for a while, looking out the window deep in our own silence. Little did we know that in a few short weeks, we would each be given our own copy of the little yellow card by Mother herself. I (of course) still have mine; it's tucked away inside a little clear sleeve of my Bible cover. I think I'll include a copy of it in my book. Actually, I think my printer may have a scanner in there somewhere! LOL. I'll see if I can scan the card and post it here for you to see one of these days. Now you have to come back and visit again! :)

Peace,

Steph

Little lights of my life!

2007-06-28T23:53:00.000-04:00

Couldn't resist sharing this sweet picture of my 2 girls!

Steph

My first rejection letter!

2007-06-28T20:35:00.000-04:00

I've been receiving some pretty amazing support these days from my writing community. It's great that other, more seasoned writers are willing to reach out and support the greener ones like me! Recently I heard back from a publisher that while my book looks engaging, it doesn't fit in with what they're producing. My first rejection letter! I guess this is a milestone in my fledgling writing career!

I was just told by N.J. Lindquist of The Word Guild "that you shouldn't give up until you've had 20 or more rejection letters." Twenty??? Yikes. I guess I'm going to have to develop a thicker skin if I'm going to keep at this. And I am going to keep at this. I submitted two articles to magazines today, just to show myself that I'm staying on this horse, and that one little rejection won't knock me off! :) I trust that if God has guided me to make writing my primary focus, that He will give me the means and the guidance to help me see it through.

I appreciate your visit - come again!

Steph

The How and the Why of it...

2007-06-26T18:04:00.000-04:00

In 1996, I packed up and headed off to India and met Mother Teresa. The previous summer, while visiting my friend Margie one day, she received a phone call from our mutual friend, Miriam. I could tell from Margie’s side of the conversation that something exciting was brewing. Margie was smiling and nodding, piquing my curiosity. She asked Miriam to hang on a moment. Steph? she asked. Miriam is going to India in January to work with Mother Teresa. Want to go? After deeply pondering the question for – oh, about 3 seconds, I casually said sure. It was no more noteworthy than if I had just accepted an invitation to go to the movies. It just seemed like the right thing to do and the right time to do it. And so, after a few weeks of pinching myself to make sure it was real and convincing my family that I had not completely lost my mind, we started preparing. Miriam and I started getting the required shots, gathering the things we would need and making the travel arrangements.

Miriam and I spent several weeks working in some of the homes run by the Missionaries of Charity. My time in Calcutta ultimately presented my life’s vocation to me on a chapatti platter, though years would pass before I would awaken to it. This is the story of my travels, the seemingly instantaneous “dark night” that came upon me while in India (which I now see as the culmination of a lot of strain and loss from the years that led up to it) and the subsequent painful years-long climb out of that pit.

It has been over a decade since my return from India, and during that time my life has taken some pretty sharp turns and hairpin curves. The journey, while at times so agonizing I thought I wouldn’t make it through the day, has certainly not been without its joys and triumphs!

Until tomorrow...

Steph

Poverty - in all its many forms

2007-06-25T15:26:00.000-04:00

Calcutta is Everywhere is a story about life and death, loneliness and poverty. It’s about discovering God in all things and Christ in all people. And it’s about the biggest poverty of all: spiritual poverty, which can encompass loneliness, hopelessness and emotional suffering.

“Calcutta…” she admonished “is everywhere”. The wrinkled little lady with the white and blue peasant sari was good at reminding us that spiritual poverty, loneliness and despair are often right in our own country, our own communities, indeed in our own hearts. So we don’t need to pack up and head off to some far-away land in search of it, that elusive thing that will bring us fulfillment, satisfaction and peace. There are plenty of opportunities to serve our fellow humans right here in our own backyard. And yet, for some unknown reason, some of us do have to pack up and head off, in search of our own stories.

More tomorrow...

Peace.
Steph

Serendipity or Nothing by Chance

2007-06-22T09:45:00.000-04:00

This morning I was sitting at a local coffee shop, connecting with fellow writers and pondering what to write about today. Then, in walked an old friend who is struggling and wondering what God is calling her to do with her life. When I asked what she felt was missing in her life, she said she has long felt called to do missionary work in a third world country but can't get past the fear of taking the leap. She had heard that I've been writing, but didn't know about what. When I told her I'm deep in the process of writing about my experiences working with the poor in India her eyes got really big. "Maybe I'm supposed to be talking to you about this!" She said. She had to head off, but took my e-mail address and promised to connect with me soon.

It's pretty amazing to me that all I do is share a little of my story and God does the rest. I've looked into lots of missionary organizations in the past, and hopefully I can be a resource for this friend.

Sometimes I look back and wonder what it was all for, those six fleeting weeks spent in India eleven years ago, and whether it really made any difference to anyone. What I'm seeing now is that that whole experience was of course worthwhile in and of itself, but also that it continues, years later, to bear fruit in the telling and re-telling of it, and the way in which God is touching people thereby.

Steph

Publication update

2007-06-21T12:28:00.000-04:00

Well, as usual, God is amazing. The proposal for my upcoming book, Calcutta is Everywhere: a different kind of love story, is in the hands of the people at Novalis, and they have expressed alot of interest. And, as of this past weekend when I attended a Christian writers' conference in Guelph, I have 2 other major publishers who have invited submission! Wow. I'm so delighted and humbled. Please pray for me and for the process as I prepare the proposals for these 2 new companies, and also as I prepare a couple of articles for submission in Christian magazines.

The words of the prophet Isaiah, "The desert shall rejoice and blossom, it shall blossom abundantly" have accompanied me for about 15 years to give me hope and encouragement as I trudged through what was my desert. I thank God that it seems like now is the time when it's really starting to rejoice and blossom abundantly!!! We really can bear fruit and blossom abundantly, even when we figure we have nothing much left to give. We never know what God has planned for us, that might be just around the next corner, though we can't quite see it yet.

Steph

Less is truly more... Ask Mother Teresa

2007-06-21T12:06:00.000-04:00

The more you have, the more you are occupied, the less you give. But the less you have the more free you are. Poverty for us is a freedom. It is not mortification, a penance. It is joyful freedom. There is no television here, no this, no that. But we are perfectly happy.

- Mother Teresa

Wow. This is so true, and yet so hard for me to live out. As I struggle to let go of those possessions, activities & behaviours that no longer feed me or that become distractions, the goal is to make more room in my life for those things that really matter. (I'll let you know if/when I figure out what those things are! :)

Until tomorrow,
Steph

Day 2 - Getting the hang of this blogging thing!

2007-06-19T11:53:00.000-04:00

"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin."

- Mother Teresa

Indeed, let us begin, wherever we are, in whatever condition we find ourselves. God doesn't require that we be perfect finished products, only that we be willing to be used. I read somewhere that "He doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called." Now that's good news!

Steph

Welcome - Day 1, Mother Teresa Quote

2007-06-18T22:30:00.000-04:00

Welcome to day 1 of my blog!

This past weekend, I attended the Write! Canada Conference for my first time and it was wonderful. I learned so much and met so many great people. I had the opportunity to meet with a couple of editors, both of whom invited my to submit my work. My first book is in part about a trip I took to India in 1996 where I worked with the Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta. I am so motivated and ready to get serious with my writing.

Mother Teresa Quote for Today:

"I always say I am a little pencil in God's hands. He does the thinking. He does the writing. He does everything and sometimes it is really hard because it is a broken pencil and He has to sharpen it a little more. Be a little instrument in His hands so that He can use you any time, anywhere. We have only to say 'yes' to God." - Mother Teresa

More tomorrow...

Take care,

Steph